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Dear Lydians,I’m sure a lot of you have been seeing all the media coverage on the new season of Portlandia. And I’m sure that if you have watched any of the clips or episodes, two things have occured to you. Number one: Portlandia could just as easily be called Brooklandia. And number two: our goal as a community should be to get spoofed on Portlandia. Can’t you picture it?

Scene 1

Carrie and Fred are sitting at a little free-range cage-free farm-to-table cafe on a Monday. Its twilight, and the waiter comes over to light the candle at their table. Carrie looks up and says, with tears in her eyes, “Oh that reminds me of…” and Fred says, “Dinner Church.” They smile warmly at one another, hold hands and start droning.

Scene 2

Cut to a public park, and Carrie and Fred are imposing ashes, but they start taking it too far, imposing their ashes on babies, dogs, non-Christians, lampposts, and each other, over and over again. The scene ends with them in a paroxysm of shape note-induced euphoria, trembling and covered in ashes.

Scene 3

There could be a scene where they are seeing a movie in a cute, post-war local movie theater, and as soon as the credits role, Fred stands up and shouts “Please share a sign of peace with your neighbor!” The scene ends with them frantically trying to hug and shake hands with everyone before they leave the theater, and then insisting on helping the teenage janitor sweep the popcorn and trash up after. “Um Todd, do you think we should try to wipe these seats down? There’s something sticky on this one.”

Scene 4

Finally, we see Fred and Carrie at their family thanksgiving dinner, aggressively pinning name tags on all their family members, including the four week old baby and dozing great grandma. At the meal, we see them squeezing a Shruti box loudly and trying to get Uncle Bob and little cousin Maggie to “share from their experience” and insisting that everyone pass their Crescent Rolls to the right, saying “this is my body”.

Can’t you see it?? Well friends, its something to shoot for.

We can pickle that!

RP

Clip from Season 2 of Portlandia

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