Dear Lydians,<\/p>\n
I wanted to write and tell you a little bit about our first Community Conversation, which took place this past Wednesday at French Roast Cafe.\u00a0 There were eight of of there, and I was struck by the thoughtfulness, care, and wisdom with which each person participated in a conversation about the balance of hospitality and safety in our community.\u00a0 How do we keep our doors wide open, welcoming all, and make our worship space as safe as possible, physically and spiritually?<\/p>\n
I\u2019d like to summarize the conversation as clearly and concisely as I can here.\u00a0 If those who were present would like to add comments, please do so below. \u00a0If you have any thoughts or questions, don\u2019t hesitate to bring them up with me in person or over e-mail.<\/p>\n
Health of the Community\/Care for Individuals<\/p>\n
In any church, there is a balance that must be maintained between the health of the community (or the body) and the care of individuals in that body.\u00a0 If the needs or presence of an individual begins to erode the health of the body,\u00a0 we must respond.\u00a0 This is a tough balance, and in speaking with other clergy, I\u2019m learning that there are no easy answers.\u00a0 One pastor told me that that, in fact, the process of setting boundaries is the most important part: we can set good boundaries in a way that either affirm or deny the humanity of individuals.<\/p>\n
Risk and discomfort are important in a community: they create an environment of growth and learning.\u00a0 But fear and threat are not acceptable, and endanger the health of the body.\u00a0 As Erica said, \u201cwe\u2019ll always be sitting around the table with people we are uncomfortalbe with.\u00a0 The question is how do you distinguish between good and bad discomfort.\u201d\u00a0 It is impossible to create space that is truly safe, but there are things we can do to create a space that is \u201csafe-enough\u201d for us to thrive and grow.<\/p>\n
Assumptions<\/p>\n
One of the signs of the health of our body is that we\u2019re beginning to draw people who have a high level of need to our community.\u00a0 As we become a stable place, we will draw people who feel unstable.\u00a0 It\u2019s important to remember that these people may not fit our expectations.\u00a0 People suffering from mental or emotional anguish who present a challenge to our community may come from any walk of life.<\/p>\n
Particular to St. Lydia\u2019s<\/p>\n
St. Lydia\u2019s faces many of the same challenges every other church faces.\u00a0 However, there are some things that make our community different, and which move us to ask big questions about our identity.\u00a0 St. Lydia\u2019s is different from other churches in that we offer a full meal at worship, our service takes place at night, our service takes place in a gentrified neighborhood that also has a high level of need, Trinity Lower East Side runs a well known soup kitchen, and our worship creates an high level of intimacy as we gather around the table and share our stories.<\/p>\n
These elements combine to create a delicate balance in our worship.\u00a0 We reach a deep level of intimacy when we pray at the table after our meal.\u00a0 If something unexpected or unnerving occurs during that time of intimacy, it has the possibility to be spiritually damaging to those who are vulnerable during that moment.\u00a0 As we move further into our work together, we\u2019ll be able to ask more questions about this dynamic as a community.\u00a0 It\u2019s important that we feel we\u2019re able to offer pastoral follow up for all that\u2019s unearthed during intimate moments, as well as provide a safe-enough space for the intimacy created.<\/p>\n
What We\u2019re Doing and What We Can Do<\/p>\n
There are a number of good practices already in place to assist in creating a safe-enough space.\u00a0 Currently, I stand at the door each week so I\u2019m aware of each person who enters church.\u00a0 If someone arrives who is drunk, high, or feels unsafe to me, I will explain to them that they may not worship with us.\u00a0 If I have any concern about a congregant, I will ask our presider to keep an eye our for him or her.\u00a0 Both Rachel and I carry cell phones on our person, and we lock the door when we have moved to the sanctuary.\u00a0 We also always answer the door when it rings in pairs.\u00a0 Finally, if it is necessary, we have the option of calling the police or an outreach team from a local agency.<\/p>\n
At our meeting Wednesday, we discussed several additional practices we will put into place, beginning this Sunday.\u00a0 First, we will have \u201ctable hosts.\u201d\u00a0 These are designated congregants who each sit at a different table in worship and can be attentive to the dynamics at the table.\u00a0 Second, I\u2019d like to organize a session with a psychologist and\/or a clergy person who has a background in work with the mentally ill and the homeless community in January.\u00a0 This will give the entire congregation some education and training to help us feel better equipped for this work.\u00a0 We might discuss the possibility of creating a team of people who are particularly skilled in this work.\u00a0 Third, I\u2019m working on extending our network of resources in the East Village so that we have folks we can reach out to for support and guidance.<\/p>\n
Finally, I would encourage each of you to feel free to speak up for yourselves and one another in situations that might feel \u201coff\u201d to you.\u00a0 You might offer to switch seats with someone who seems ill-at-ease, or decide to tell me or the presider about behavior that worries you.\u00a0 Sentences like \u201cI\u2019d rather not do that,\u201d \u201cWe don\u2019t do that here,\u201d and \u201cPlease stop,\u201d are ones we should have at the ready.\u00a0 We should not have to use these sentences often, but it\u2019s important to have them on hand for moments when we do.\u00a0 Staying safe is more important than being polite.\u00a0 Trust your gut.<\/p>\n
Finally, a reminder that this process of wrestling, of struggling to find a way forward and working to value each person at our table, is a life-giving struggle.\u00a0 It teaches us about who we are.\u00a0 It\u2019s part of our answer to God\u2019s call on our lives — figuring out how to responsibly set a table of hospitality and welcome where all may worship freely and without fear, where we might see Christ in one another.<\/p>\n
Love,<\/p>\n
Emily<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dear Lydians, I wanted to write and tell you a little bit about our first Community Conversation, which took place this past Wednesday at French Roast Cafe.\u00a0 There were eight of of there, and I was struck by the thoughtfulness, care, and wisdom with which each person participated in a conversation about the balance of […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=479"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":480,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions\/480"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stlydiasliturgy.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}